Musings,  Odds and Ends

Putting myself out there

Note: this post has been sitting in my blog drafts since last year. Some of my work have recently been going viral online, exposing not just my work but MYSELF to a new and bigger audience, and I thought this would be an opportune time to finally hit the publish button on this post.

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I’m really of two minds about going back to this blog and writing stuff.

I’m naturally a very private person. I keep to myself and don’t draw attention to myself if I can. I like being in the background, minding my own business but quietly observing others. I am satisfied, content, and secure in my own inner world that I don’t see the need to get validation from others by going out of my way to be seen and heard.

Old self-portrait from 2012

And yet that’s what this blog is for. No, not to get validation (that’s only for parking!). But to be seen and heard.

I have so many things I want to write about. What I’m learning. Things I’m coming to realize. Stuff I’m excited about. I don’t know where to start, because the ideas don’t seem to be connected (art, faith, books, prayer, etc.) and just keep coming out of nowhere. At times I do write about them, but only for myself in lazily-scrawled letters, in the privacy of my paper journal. But sometimes there are things that need to be written about— properly and more cohesively– for an audience willing to read.

It’s annoying, really. I feel COMPELLED to share myself to people (eww, even just writing that makes me cringe) even if it’s way out of my comfort zone to write about personal things (well, only the things I’m comfortable and ready to write about) going on in my life. Blogging about Taiwan or my work is one thing– it’s impersonal and detached. Writing from a place of vulnerability is another– my struggles, wins, life’s lessons, musings about the faith. The things I’m teaching you aren’t just for you, I thought I sensed God impressing upon me one day, when I marvelled that I was learning a lot of things about Him. They’re for others, too.

Credits: Proverbs 31 Ministries

It’s so much easier to just keep to myself in my own safe, introverted, anti-social world. No people. No drama. No complications. No mess that isn’t yours. But I’m aware that’s not how life is meant to be lived. I also know that when I start going out of my comfort zone and doing the things I know God has called me to do, even if it means I’ll be vulnerable and uncomfortable… then others will be empowered to do the same, too.

So I’ll do this for them. For the people who lurk in the background, minding their own business but quietly observing others, waiting for the right opportunity to be heard, too. Never mind that when I “put myself out there,” I’ll unintentionally have people holding me up to their own personal standards (one that I refuse to meet), or unwittingly set myself up as a target for criticism and haters (hello ladies!), or position myself in a place to be judged unfairly (oh, well). But really, I have a higher purpose for doing so: it’s for the Lord. There are so many people out there hiding in the dark, looking for a Light they’re too ashamed to admit they crave for. Bakit mo ipagtatago?

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16 NIV

So if even just ONE person minding their own business, quietly observing others, come out from their own shell and comfort zone empowered and inspired by what I’m doing, then it’s all been worth it.

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