Faith & Spirituality

Wooooh. Convicted!

Note: This is a post I originally published on my personal Facebook account on March 25, 2018.

In mid-2016 I was getting the sense the Lord was telling me I needed to delete my private online journal for safety and privacy reasons in the wake of a suspected cybersecurity issue (among other things). My LiveJournal (hello LJ friends who had access to my account!) had hundreds and hundreds of journal entries dating back to 2001. I had a strong emotional attachment to my journal. Journaling was my outlet and therapy; my journal was where I vented my frustrations, wrote for posterity the things I wanted to remember, told stories about my joys, hurts and heartbreak, funny things that happened to me, and everything in between. My journal was my life.

But fast forward to now. Long story short, I did delete my online journal (albeit a year after I first got a nudge from the Lord that I was to delete it) but not before a lot of tears, hemming and hawing, deleting and undeleting. But before I made the final purge online, I compiled all my journal entries into a 970+ page .PDF document and stored it on my hard drive. (Sumunod nga kay Lord, pero kung makakalusot, lulusot)

“Israel, you have in your possession some things that I ordered you to destroy! You cannot stand against your enemies until you get rid of these things!” Joshua 7:13

When I read the verse above from my Bible reading today… I knew. I had to delete the .PDF, too 😥😭 so I did that just today, crying over it for a while before I hit the delete button. That’s 15 years of my life… gone.

My reflection: we cannot have a new life if we keep holding on to our old lives, and we can’t start a new chapter if we keep rereading the old ones. Just as the enemy holds us back by bringing up our old issues, we cannot move forward if we keep entertaining the past. The old has gone, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17). So now… I’m truly and finally moving forward and I’m looking forward to seeing what NEW stories and journal entries God wants me to write… in the safety of a paper journal.

P.S. I love it when God speaks directly through His Word. Kahit minsan masakit 🙁